Proverbs 21

"If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered." (verse 13) This one is really deep and I think it is getting at a point that is deeper than just helping the poor. Yesterday in bible study we talked about how we traditionally help the poor; many times this is giving them handouts of food, money, or other goods. We examined this and it seems that it is really God's intention that in addition to helping them attain their basic needs, we also need to provide for their purpose in life by giving them something to work for. So this was the mindset that I had started with when I read this verse. Verse 13 does not give instruction on what to give to the poor or how to give it. For that matter, it doesn't say much about any exchange of food, money, job, etc. What it does talk about is if my "ears" or in this case I think it means "heart or spirit" is open to seeing and empathizing with their suffering. I think the nature of God is that He wants us to feel (by being led by the Spirit) and then have our feelings lead our actions rather than simply tell us what specifically to do. God holds the poor close, the scripture tells us this. It's easy to look past the poor and suffering, but it clearly says that if we look past, if we close our world to theirs, then God will close His to us. A bit scary!! So what does this mean to Susan and I? We both believe strongly in our giving of first fruits to the Lord. But it seems that just the check or the canned food is not as important as what he desires in both of our hearts. Susan and I need to be aware and diligent to take time to benefit the poor; to exercise what our "ears" are telling us. We get exposed to these opportunities often and probably don't act on them much to go out and serve the poor. As the song says, I pray for God to "break my (and our) heart for what breaks [His]". In this then, the spirit will convict me to go where He needs me. -Bob

Proverbs 20

"Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find...It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider his vows." (verses 6,25)


Anyone who knows Susan and I well know that we've had a bumpy road as we considered our relationship and if and how there was a future for us. It seemed that for a long time we were on "different pages" in life and always just grazed a serious path to marriage rather than actually traverse it. I can't count how many long conversations and difficult days we had as we tried to figure out the right things to do. Nevertheless, that is all behind us and here we are, but as I consider those times, I can most certainly see God working in all of those things to help keep me from making the wring choice. His timing is truly perfect. Sometimes that wrong choice would have been to push forward with marriage too soon, and at other times that wrong choice would have been to walk away entirely. The Lord never closed these doors completely. I'm thankful for these times that the Lord brought us through because it feels now that Susan and I have had so much opportunity to consider everything regarding our love and our relationship. I feel now that we are going forward with marriage on the Lord's path and on His timing. But even more so, I feel that this is a choice that both she and I are making after literally years of consideration. It could have worked the other way, as verse 25 says, and we could have married and then later considered our actions. But as I said, I am extremely happy for the timing that this all has happened on because this decision, and commitment to Susan, are not rushed. For this I know that I won't be that person who wakes up years into my marriage and decides that I made the wrong choice. Finally, although verse 6 paints a pretty bleak picture that no man can have unfailing love, I believe that the path that Susan and I have traveled to get here (by the way... here is now only 10 days away) gives us an intense love for one another that can stand up to strong trials. I only pray that we are never tested in that regard. Once again, I thank God for His timing and for mysteriously bringing all the critical pieces together in a time that truly shows His power and working in my life.
-Bob

Proverbs 19

"Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord." (verse 14) In other places in Proverbs, it compares worldly gains to spiritual gains and makes the point that no amount of stuff can substitute for spiritual riches. My parents have blessed me in many ways, but I know that the material things that have come as blessings are not what will shape me and remain with me. Likewise in Susan, her parents have planted in her, a different deposit of spiritual blessings. This is all the Lord's work. All the things that have made me who I am and all the things that have made Susan who she is, contribute to her spiritual make-up at this juncture in life. I believe that the Lord has worked divinely in me and in Susan, before we ever met each other, to prepare us for each other. My parents have fed, clothed, and educated me, and although they were the Lord's instruments, it was He who retained the plan for how I will be a husband for Susan. Again, Likewise, the lord has worked in Susan's life to bring her to this stage in life, a person who will be a wife fitting for me. God watches out for us in so many small ways. I find myself thanking God, when there is a near traffic miss, when I just barely make the bus, or when a random act of grace comes my way. Now, I gt to thank the Lord for His divine plan of bringing Susan and I together. It is not by chance or fortunate timing. All of this is exactly as He intended it to be; in circumstance and in time. Praise God for His perfect plan. -Bob

Proverbs 18

"He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord." (verse 22). I think that it is God's plan that we marry. I trust that God knows more about my needs than I do, and so I trust Him knowing that He says that it is good to find a wife. Although there are still some things that I'm still apprehensive about, I know that I'm on the path that God has planned for me. I think deep down we all need companionship and to find purpose in a family. I think this is part of how we are wired. I could have chosen to stay single for much longer, but I think back to the time when I had felt that way and I can certainly recall feeling that the paths I were on were very much singular. Everything I did was solo. I used to think that solo was the best way to be, but I've changed my mind. I realize that there is more to gain in life when I'm sharing it with another person. I'm looking forward to spending my life with Susan. I know that God has brought her to me in a divine way and that the two of us getting married will fulfill His purpose. And because of that, I know that my life will feel good because it is in line with His. -Bob

Proverbs 17

"Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." (Verses 1,14) I'd be an idiot to think that Susan and I won't fight. In fact, we've had our share already; some big one's too, and I'm wondering if there are even bigger ones to come. I'm thankful that I can't recall a time when we have stayed mad at each other for more than a few hours. Sometimes we may not have reached an agreement, but anger and dissent have subsided. It seems that Proverbs is encouraging me to seek peace with Susan (the person who I will live with, spend nearly all of my time with, share the most intimate things with, etc) before nearly all else in life. That peace in our home is more rewarding than the best meal. I can honestly believe this because when I look back on the fights that Susan and I have had (many times over seemingly trivial things), when they are not resolved, I genuinely feel a lacking in my body and my soul. This is a lacking I feel until we reach a resolution. I know that I have to continue to listen to this repeatedly, and that it is my role to initiate the origins of peace after a fight, regardless of whose fault it may be. I'm the one who is responsible to God for our family and I have to then be the one to bring us both back into right standing with Him. I know what it feels like when peace is not here and I have to maintain diligence to see that I react appropriately to bring Susan and I back to a peaceful place. -Bob

Proverbs 16

"All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord...There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death...Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed." (Proverbs 16:2,25,3) I can take these few verses and apply them to almost anything. It's tempting to focus on some other life aspects, but I'll maintain my goal of examining what Proverbs has to say as it applies to marriage. I think these verses are talking about the choices that I will have to make. I don't know what those will be, but I'm told here that just by my ways alone, the choice may appear right, but I'll not be sure of a right choice unless God is involved in making that choice. I'll know I'm proceeding in the right direction if I know that my choice has been instructed or confirmed by the Lord. Verse 3 then says that with plans committed to Him, they will succeed. I don't think that He is trying to define success, but perhaps the absence of calamity. And finally, God is really looking at our heart motives when we make choices: is my heart in it for God, or is God a secondary factor? I know I'll be faced with making some tough decisions regarding Susan and I. I'm sure they will things like, where to live, how to discipline children, jobs to take or not to take, etc. but my challenge here is to remain in the presence of the Lord and not to let my ways and plans be above His. He already knows the desires of my heart and when I choose His ways, I trust that He will be rewarding in His own time. And until then, I have to commit all that I do to glorifying His purposes. -Bob

Proverbs 15

"A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise commends knowledge;
But the mouth of the fool gushes folly.
The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life,
But a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
The lips of the wise spreads knowledge,
Not so the hearts of fools"
Verses 1, 2, 4, and 7

Again it's obvious to me what is important to take away from this chapter just from the amount of text used: God is concerned with what we say? Maybe that is because what we say is different that what we think because our words go beyond our own selves. But, this is double-edged, with the ability to harm or help.

No doubt since Susan and I will be spending the rest of our lives together that we might use the largest proportion of our words over our lifetimes in communicating with one another. If not, certainly the conversations will have a different meaning and weight than with co-workers and friends. That means then that I have to think before I speak. I guess a married man doesn't need the Bible to confirm that truth, but here I think it is really telling me to consider my tone and demeanor when I speak with Susan so that we don't start irrelevant fights because of a stupid off hand comment or an unneeded tone; to be a source of comfort to her and to keep all lies from my mouth; and to make sure that when I speak that I know facts rather than guessing. Maybe this is even telling me to avoid gushing folly from my mouth like a fool. That sounds awfully close to advice I have heard before; that women want men to listen and not to react. I guess God knows all these things long before we do and in his subtle ways He is telling me everything I need to know about women if I simply search for His intent.
-Bob

Proverbs 14

"He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress,
And for his children it will be a refuge."
Verse 26

Clearly God values the home and the environment there. It should be the refuge from everything else that has happened in a day. But I know how it can't feel that way ifi don't put God first. There are days when I am completely stressed out and I let myself get agitated with other people and can act pretty abrasively, especially to the people that are closest to me. And then even when I come back home (or go to be with those people that are close to me, including Susan) that abrasiveness hasn't yet worn off. I usually attempt to use working out as a typical way to get some of that stress and frustration out, but even that still can't always solve me attitude.

But when I choose to have God as part of my day, much of that changes. I can certainly recognize those times when I am dependant on God in my daily activities and especially when coming home doesn't change any of the outcomes of the day, but it definitely mutes all of the emotional parts that are hard to control. So to be starting a life with Susan and thinking about coming home to her at the end of each day, it's critical that I remember how God intends my house to be and how my commitment and action toward God is related to the home life that results. I keep seeing in Proverbs that it is not all about me anymore, and that I need to expand my thinking to be aware of consequences for 2 instead of 1.
-Bob

Proverbs 13

"He who walks with the wise grows wise,
But a companion of fools suffers harm."

As time has gone on and Susan and I have matured, I've watched us change as a couple as well as the change is the people we associate with. Lately we've spent more time with couples/marrieds than before, and I suspect that the same trend continues as life brings other changes: that we will be spending time with people of similar associations.

If I know that this shift has started or is still coming, then it is important for me (and Susan) to be aware of the people we choose to associate with. I'm sure that it will be exciting as we start to do things as a married couple with other married couples. Yet these need to be the right people to be spending our time with. Of course this is a basic truth, but we need to be especially guarded against those people who can shape our perception of marriage. We need to be surrounding urselves with the right christian people with the right committments themselves regarding marriage. That way we do not find ourselves influenced while we are first defining what our marriage looks like.
-Bob

Proverbs 12

Both verses 4 and 9 had practical applications for marriage in my eyes.

"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."

"Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than to pretend to be somebody and have no food."

First, verse 4 although it talks about Susan, I think still starts with me. In Men's Fraternity at church we have talked many times about men's roles in marriage. One of which is that it's a man's responsibility to be an initiator (in all sorts of matters). And so although verse 4 talks about the role of a wife, I still believe that it first has to start with me. I have to be fulfilling my roles first, and with God's grace then, she'll feel natural to fulfill the roles that God has laid out for her, in this case, to have noble character. So really it's on me to be on my game and to not give excuses if there are parts of our relationship that are not peachy.

I also think that verse 9 is extremely practical as I try to fulfill my role as the head of our financial matters. I'm aware of all the pressures today to have all the "things"; house, car, cell phone, etc. But this verse is warning me about financial prudence as well in making those choices. It means that I should be grateful for any house and car and not necessarily the most beautiful ones. I trust the Lord in my financial matters and I know that if I maintain prudence that he will always make sure that Susan and I are taken care of in basic needs. But it still lies on me not to squander money chasing fruitless gains.

-Bob